Playing I Spy is a favorite way to Tiny Parent because:
you can do it anywhere š¼ you don’t need anything special to play it š¼ kids love it š¼ And… it’s a really fun way to build in some learning
With toddlers, start up with something simple like āI spy the letter S.ā As they get older, you can add a little more challenge and ask things like āI spy something that starts with the letter Sā or āI spy something that starts with the SSSS sound.ā You can go from āI spy the number 5ā to asking preschoolers to āI spy a shape with 5 sidesā or even āI spy a right angle.ā
But donāt just limit this game to language and math! I Spy can get them thinking about how other people think/feel by asking to spy something that would make someone laugh, or I spy someone being kind.
Finally, turn the tables and let them be the āI Spyā master too!
This is the perfect game to play when you have to wait somewhere and are looking for something to pass the time (that isnāt pulling out a digital device). My favorite place to play it is at the grocery store because there are just so many different things to SPY for.
They stay entertained, you get to connect and engage, and there’s a little learning on the side.
Shonda Rhimesā¦ the powerhouse television producerā¦ had a chapter in her book “Year of Yes” where she describes a night at her home. As she is headed out the door to attend an awards ceremony, her youngest daughter stops her and asks āwanna play?ā Now, Shonda is fully decked out in designer gear and has a limo outside her door, so playing with her daughter was not what she was planning on doing at that moment.
But she didā¦ because she saw thatās what her daughter needed right then. So she paused, played, and sang āLet it Goā a few times. And then her daughter expressed that she was all good, she had her mom time, so Shonda dusted herself off and continued on to her night.
All of this took about 10 minutes. But it was a powerful 10 minutes, for both mom and daughter.
Find your 10 – 15 minutes. We all have them at some point in our day. Turn off the phone ā maybe even stick it in another room so it is truly not a distraction ā and just hang out with your kid(s). Make it a part of your regular routine ā consciously put away your phone at bath time, for example – or be spontaneous and find your moments (like Shonda did). You donāt need an agenda, or a planā¦ the only thing you need to do is be fully there for them.
So you can thank Shonda Rhimes for Bridgerton, Grey’s Anatomy… and now, some solid parenting advice!
Believe it or not, I picked up this one from my favorite online yoga courses, @BadYogi Studio. In the middle of a class called āYoga Napā (I mean, how can you not love a class like that?!), the teacher (Erin) gave this prompt:
āBe aware of what the face is doing. What is your expression saying? What is it telling your brain? Are you wearing tense or are you wearing peace?ā
I heard that question and instantly my face melted into relaxation. Because, even though I was in this restorative class, I was still āwearingā the stress of the busy day on my faceā¦ I could feel it in my jaw, my furrowed brow. But once I released the tension in my faceā¦ I was instantly more chill.
And it got me thinking just how much our faces reflect whatever stress we have in our livesā¦ and how much of that we pass on to our children.
At some point, we all get anxious or overwhelmedā¦ and it shows.. and then our kids very often pick up on our frantic energy and make it their own. This quote by Tina Payne Bryson in the book Hunt, Gather, Parent says it all: āEmotions are contagious.ā
At this moment, for example, we are all living through a particularly unsettling time. We are worried, fearful, and concerned about everything that is happening with the pandemic. But are we wearing that fear and worry? Or are we wearing confidence or comfort? The answer to that question, may give you a clue as to how your children are handling it all. Ask yourself, how is the energy I am giving out impacting the people around me, especially my children?
When you see your child feeling emotionally out of sorts and you want to help them get grounded, one of the first places to explore is whether or not they are reflecting back something they see/feel from us… What emotion am I wearing on my face? See if āputting onā a face of peace changes the moment.
(And if it doesn’t… maybe take a nice, relaxing yoga class and find that face of peace! š§āāļø
In a neat little study that I once filmed (look for it on YouTube), researcher Kiley Hamlin demonstrated this finding.
She set up a puppet show of sorts, with the main characters as a few shapes ā a triangle šŗļø, circle šµ, or square ā¬ ā each with a pair of googly eyes š stuck on them. (The eyes give the shapes a more human look.)
A 6 or 10-month old š¶sees one of the shapes, say a square (though the shapes were randomized in the experiment), attempt to go up a ramp. The square, tries and tries, but just canāt get to the top. Next, the baby sees a 2nd shape come out at the bottom of the ramp. This shape is seen bumping up the square to the top of the ramp ā it looks like it is helping the square reach its goal. The baby then sees a 3rd scene. In this one, just as the square is getting to the top of the ramp, a new different shape comes out and pushes it back down to the bottom! No helping the squareās effortsā¦ just hindering them.
The child sees these scenarios a few times and is then presented a tray with two of the shapes on it ā the helper and the hinderer. Almost universally, the babies showed a preference (demonstrated by which they touched first) for the shape that was presented as the āhelper.ā This inclination to the helper is so strong, that they found it to be the case even when they de-humanized the shapes by taking off the googly eyes.
Later, Hamlin and her colleagues tested this on 3 month olds (tracking their eye movement as a measurement for preference since these little babies couldnāt control their reach) and she found that even babies this young seemed to react more positively to the helper!
What does this mean as a parent? On the one hand, itās a powerful reminder of the remarkable capabilities that even the youngest babies have, and just how much they are tuned into other people. In addition, we hope that our children donāt have enough personal experience with unhelpful people in their little lives as to have learned this preferenceā¦ which may suggest that we come into the world liking nicer people over mean ones.
And doesnāt that give us all a little hope? ā¤ā¤ā¤
This is the kind of research that I find FASCINATING because
– it shows the amazing learning capabilities in very young children
AND
– it speaks to the power of connection and engagement.
So why would babies be able to do this weird trick? We come into the world capable of speaking any language, so one of our first tasks is to learn how our native language works: What sounds do I need to knowā and how do I move my mouth to make those sounds? We adults take this information for granted, but itās the kind of specific detail that babies really pay attention to as they figure out the rules of the language game.
Scientists can measure the baby reacting to seeing something new. In this case, a baby who has only seen the mouth movement that goes with one language notices when the movement changes as a different language is spoken. Itās a sign of just how closely they have been observing the people around them.
By 8 months, they canāt really do this trick any more, because once they have gotten familiar with the main language, they donāt really need to bothering noticing the small distinctions in another and they can focus on other things they need to learn about language. Interestingly, babies growing up in bilingual homes can do this somewhat longer because they still need to be sensitive to these differences as they are learning multiple language.
(* This does NOT mean that children in bilingual homes are learning any slower – they are simply processing more information; & that actually has benefits like improved executive function skills.)
This is another example of how much learning comes from social interactions. As parents, we want to make sure we give them plenty of opportunity for this kind face-to-face experience. It can be easy to let these moments slip, with the lure of the cell phone, and in our current state where we often wear masks over our mouths, so try to build them into your day when you can.
