It’s the weekend (and a rainy one here on the east coast!) so it’s the perfect time to find a few moments of connection with your children.
Here are a few tech-free ideas that don’t take any time but build memories and can help a child feel valued.
They do require one thing: turn off the tech. And I’m not just talking about the phone or tablet you hand to them, I’m talking about YOUR phone. Take a few minutes and turn it off – maybe even put it in another room so you aren’t tempted to look at it (cause I know I always am!). Fully engage for just a few minutes… and make all the difference!
I’ve been thinking that as parents we should try to get rid of the phrase ‘keep them busy’ & swap it out for “keep them engaged.’
When we say ‘keep them busy,’ we’re really saying, ‘get them out of my hair!’ I have to get something done, like a doctor’s visit, a grocery store run or a call for work. How can I keep the kids occupied so I can do what I have to do?
The ‘quick fix’ that distracts them so they don’t distract ME.
BUT, what if we change our mindset & instead find something that will keep them ENGAGED. We get to the same goal, but do it with a little more intention and awareness of how THEY too can benefit.
When we’re trying to ‘keep them busy,’ we do things like hand over the phone & let it entertain them. But if we’re looking to ENGAGE them, we might try something that is a little less passive & instead gets them thinking.
At the grocery store it might look like a game of I Spy. While cooking dinner you can keep them engaged by helping do something like stir or set the table. If you have an important Zoom call you need to focus on, maybe set up a scavenger hunt or encourage them to build a blanket fort. And when dining out, hold off the on the iPad entertainment, & instead play the alphabet game or take out some crayons & see if you can guess what each other is drawing.
Of course, sometimes, you just gotta take the quick hit and hand them YouTube…because that’s life! But, on those moments where you have just a little bit more breathing space, try substituting ‘keep them engaged’ instead of ‘keep them busy.
You might that that tiny extra effort will be worth it because, not only are the activities likely to be more enriching, but they will also probably hold their attention longer than something you just hand to them keep them momentarily occupied.
This could be the hardest thing EVER! Because we all want the answers RIGHT AWAY.
Your child asks you a question about something you see in the world… ‘why is the sky blue?’ or ‘why don’t birds have hands?’
Or they ask something like ‘where did the dinosaurs go?’ or ‘how big is the biggest building in the world.’
You pull out your phone… throw a few key words into Google… and BOOM! Question asked, question answered… DONE!
But what if sometimes we skip Google and go a little old school analog. Instead of looking it up, you and your child(ren) try to FIGURE OUT the answer together – even if you already have a good idea of what it is.
This is a great way to get them to be ‘thinkers’ – to come up with their own theories on how the world works. (And, after a little time working it through, you can test that theory by looking it up – if they still really care about the RIGHT answer at that point.)
Even something as concrete as ‘how big is the biggest building in the world’ – where there is one answer – can be first played around with. You can ask, hmmm… do you think it’s as big as that big building in town or that giant skyscraper we saw when we visited that city last year? Maybe even get them thinking about, well, what does ‘biggest’ mean? Big like TALL or big like really, really wide or has the most people inside of it.
Google and the resources on the internet are amazing gifts… and learning how to use them effectively is a necessary part of modern life. But real thinking goes beyond google – and is all about being able to break down information and put it all back together again. This little trick can be a tiny step along that path.
When I worked on a project teaching math to preschoolers in NYC, teachers used a puppet they called “Mr. Mix Up” and he would get EVERYTHING wrong. While counting, he’d count something twice or skip a number… and the kids would scream out ‘NOOOOO! That’s not the right answer!,’ and then gleefully correct him.
To say the kids had a blast playing this was an understatement… They LOVED this game. And, the teacher got to reinforce their understanding about counting in a super fun way.
This is one of those games you can play with your child for a tiny moment of connection. Just get something wrong… and let them correct you.
YOU: Oh, look that stop light turned blue, that means we can go. THEM: Green means go!!
YOU: The sun is shining, I guess that means we’ll get rain. THEM: It only rains when it is cloudy!
YOU: First, I’m going to pour the flour in the muffin tin, and then I will put the milk in the bowl. THEM: You have to mix them together BEFORE you pour it in the muffin tin!
You get the idea.
Follow up your mistake with an exaggerated, ‘are you sure? How do you know?’ or ask them to show you how to do it ‘right.’ They’ll love being YOUR teacher for a moment. This is a great game to play when you find yourself needing to pass the time or keep them engaged, like in a waiting room or at the grocery store.
Get silly with it. Sure, they’ll build on their learning just by talking through and thinking about what is wrong with what you’re saying, but this isn’t about TEACHING them anything. It’s about enjoying a moment and laughing together.
One of the easiest ways to Tiny Parent is to ask questions. I’m not talking about grilling them like a detective on Law Order, DUNH DUNH! – what’s that color; how many birds do you see, what kind of shape is that – but actually starting a conversation with them about something an experience you are sharing with them.
The right kind of question can really get them thinking. Asking “what do you think would happen if…” at a water table, or sandbox, or while cooking, can spark curiosity and wonder about how the world works… it’s the starting point of all scientific inquiry!
They can get really creative with their imagination if you talk to them about what they think will happen next when reading a story together.
When they tell you the answer to a question, digging a little deeper and asking them ‘how do they know’ is a way to get beyond a rote response (and there’s plenty of science that suggests when you explain something to another person, the learning and understanding is ‘stickier.’)
And, when in doubt, simply ask ‘what do you see,’ as a starting off point to focus and observe the world going on around them.
The trick is to go beyond questions that would be followed by a yes/no/one-word answer (like, ‘what kind of animal is that?’ or ‘what do you call that?’). That’s really just quizzing them, not having a conversation. Use any of the questions above, and you are pretty sure to get a good back and forth.
The bonus is that asking these kinds of open-ended questions is one of the best ways to learn language and communication skills. All this AND a simple way to share a connected moment… Winner!
